SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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