If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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