I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
