I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
