She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
