Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
