Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
