Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
