bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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