dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
