If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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