i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
