Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
