The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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