I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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