Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
