nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She's just so happy...and so naked.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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