My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who died my cat blue again?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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