it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
