I can text with my tongue
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
