I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
