After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
