You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just want nice things and good sex
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
