hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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