OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
