He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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