just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
