Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
