So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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