When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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