I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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