I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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