i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
