Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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