If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
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If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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