O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
