He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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