come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
false alarm, still single
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
