Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
