Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
