24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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