Can i not drive my cunt home
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It's blow job season.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
