just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
