Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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