Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
