Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
