i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
