seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
