I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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