We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
