Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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