She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
