Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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