remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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