When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
