They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
