My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Found the puke drawer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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