4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
