You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
