So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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