His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
