The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
