She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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