best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
