brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
