Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
