Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
