Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You are a genius and a whore.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize