I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
