i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
