I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
