Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
