I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
