girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
