Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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