So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
