we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
