so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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