Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
