"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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