that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
